Aaron Smith & Megan Griffin

Why Can’t We Just Get Started?

One of the major hurdles that people with ADHD face in their pursuit of their goals is – just getting started in the first place. Maybe you can relate to this, have you ever had an assignment due and dreaded it for days on end? Then, once you actually get started on it and stop all the procrastinating and negative thinking (about how hard or overwhelming it is) you find that it wasn’t that hard after all. For individuals with ADHD, we have a particular inclination for procrastinating and putting off those boring, tedious, and stress inducing tasks. Often times the hardest part of the equation is solving the dilemma of getting started. While these struggles are not exclusively “ADHD issues” and experienced by people without ADHD all the time, folks with ADHD have a harder time figuring out where to start, how to start, and spend way too much time thinking about the ideal emotional and environmental conditions they would like to have before they dive into the project. More often than not, this leads to a cycle of waiting until the last minute, running out of time, and doing sub par quality work. The difficulties that individuals with ADHD have are exacerbated by their dysfunctional brain wiring (i.e. executive functioning issues). Executive functioning refers to a complex network of brain-based cortical processes that underpin motivation, time-management, and self-regulation.

Who’s Brain is it Anyways?

There are essentially, two types of ADHDers: Defaulters and Defyers. Those that sit back and float, allowing their impulses and focus to be guided by their default modes are the Defaulters. Then there are those that actively confront their base impulses and practice gaining control over where they focus their energy, and how they think and feel in the process. Defyers don’t just sit back and let ADHD control them. They actively get involved and take charge of their brains. That begs the question, so who’s brain is it anyway? Are you in control of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors or has your ADHD hijacked your default modes.

Lying to Ourselves, Again and Again

Has this happened to you? You think about that really important paper or project that needs to get finished, then you start feeling overwhelmed by how daunting it feels. Then, as if it’s almost on cue, you freeze like a deer in the headlights, overcome by intense emotions.  Or maybe, you have an insatiable urge to get out of there, do something else, or avoid the task at all costs. You may rationalize your decision to get the *&%$ out of there by telling yourself little untruths like – “I’ll have plenty of time over the weekend to work on this…” “I’ll get to it tomorrow…” “I’m too tired…” “It will only take _____ (insert an unrealistic amount of time)  amount of time to complete….” I’m sure, if you have ADHD you can relate to every internal dialogue above. What happens then, is that you set yourself up for failure if you listen to that voice in your head. By leaving the important thing you need to do until the last possible moment, you are engaging in a type of self-destructive pattern of behavior.  

Struggling to Start

There is a large struggle to “get started” doing something important.  Or as our good friend Eric Tivers, an ADHD coach and colleague, likes to say, something im(bor)tant (something that is both important and boring at the same time).  One of the major reasons for this struggle is because of people’s overall self-doubt regarding the goal.  Many people who are struggling to achieve their goals have a black and white, all or nothing, way of thinking.  For example, “I am just never going to be able to get organized,” or “I hate writing papers and always turn them in late.” Instead, we can practice being more realistic about one’s situation, such as saying something like “It may not be easy for me to keep things organized, but I’ll try my best to find a system that will help me” or “I dislike writing papers, but if I push past the overwhelming feelings, set intermediate deadlines, and get started now; I know I can complete it before it’s due.” One needs to confront their negative self with rationality in order to be able to move past self-doubt and get started.   

Not Knowing Where to Start

Another issue that people have in being able to get started in reaching their goals is simply the idea of not knowing how to start. Sometimes when we feel like we have so much on our plates, it is easy to lets those feelings of stress make it hard to even know how to start with achieving one’s goals. However, breaking up one’s end goal into smaller, sub parts, can be very helpful in figuring out how to start, and continue progress. This is because of the bigger sense of motivation that it activates.  This also lessens one’s feelings of being overwhelmed. For example, let’s say you have a big research paper due.  Many students look at the totality of the paper and forget that it really just consists of many smaller parts. It’s not useful to get overwhelmed by the sheer scope of the paper.  A more helpful approach is to start thinking about how to start on the smallest steps first and proceed from there. For example, creating an outline, then finding your sources, then writing an intro paragraph, then moving on to your thesis, and so on. That’s essentially all you have to do to get started and keep yourself motivated at the same time.

Ask for Help, Why Not?

When someone experiences that feeling of, how do I even start, sometimes it can just be too difficult to face things on your own. Even the most successful people have had help. No one gets to the top alone, no one! That’s why sometimes it takes mutual support and guidance from people you trust. This advice and support can come from friends. You can try to form met ups with them to help you create a plan and they can become your accountability buddy. Now I hope you have a better understanding of why we struggle to get started and what you can do about it. By absorbing all the research and resources discussed above, everyone should be well on their way to success, even those with ADHD.

If you are still feeling like you would benefit from additional help, strategies, or support. Feel free to reach out us to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to get started with ADHD coaching.